I had the chance to revisit a thought that has been on my mind all through the 2012 election cycle, as I engaged in that unexpected parenting moment: introducing my 8-y-o son to the concept of democracy. Now, at 4 years old, my son watched me watch the elections, and put stickers on my car and signs in my yard. As we watched Obama take the oath of office, I held him in my lap and told him to watch carefully because he was seeing history, and remembered my parents making me watch Nixon's resignation speech with the same advice. And so as we did invitations for his 5th birthday party, it shouldn't have surprised me but it did when he handed me an invitation and said "Now send one to Barack Obama, okay?" And so we did -- I think it was elephant shaped and included the address to Chuck E Cheese and the date and time, and he signed his name to it, and it went into the stack. I warned him that Mr. Obama is a very busy man since he's President, and might not have time for a party, and sure enough, he didn't turn up at Chuck E Cheese that day, but a little while later, we got a letter from the President thanking him for the invitation and containing an autographed photo. Not bad for a 5 year old's entree into political life in the DC area. But an 8 year old has a very different brain than a 5 year old, and during this election cycle, Noah's mind was binary -- our side was good; the other guys, not so much. And clearly it was time to begin to explain a higher understanding of the process than simply "we want our guy to win at all costs." So in our time in the car, we began to have long conversations about how there are topics that I believe are good and right, and other people look at the same thing and think that the other point of view is good and right, and that's just how the world works. And we talked about how we pick a candidate to support who we believe will do what is good and right, and other people, who believe different things than we do, will pick the candidate that THEY believe will do what's good and right. And then we have a vote, and the one who gets the most vote in a state wins the electors for our candidate from that state (electoral college is a stretch for an 8-y-o, but we tried), and the one who gets the most electors wins. This got me very conscious of some things that simply didn't work in the last election, which made explaining democracy based on it much more challenging: 1) Democracy really works best, I believe, if the candidates stand proudly for what they believe in, for the values they will support if elected. "I am on this side and I stand for this." "I am on this other side and I stand for that." Good, now we can all say "I want this guy" and "I want that guy" and bam, we've got an election that expresses the majority of the people. But Democracy doesn't work particularly well, I believe, if the candidates don't declare and stand proud. "I am on this side and I stand for this." "I think what you stand for is crap." Erm, no. That doesn't work. Be brave, stand for what you stand for, and let a reasonable election decide the will of the represented. 2)

If it were frictionless, everyone would do it.

I find myself more and more thinking that "if it were easy, everyone would be doing this." I note with some dismay that it's been 3 years since my last post, and I'm a little alarmed by what that means about my free time....

Since I posted last, my child has gone from kindergarten to being a rising 3rd grader. My stepson has gone from being a chaotic high school junior to a fairly mature rising college freshman. My husband and I have spent a fair amount of effort in self-development efforts that have made our lives more workable and our support of one another stronger, and in many ways, our lives are less stressful and far more joyful than they were when last I posted.

We've also had some crises and losses. I can't bring myself to begin to try to list them, but they include loss of close friendships (at least, loss of proximity) as dearly loved friends move to the next phase of their lives or careers, the withering of some friendships that couldn't sustain over time, and the loss of some dreams and hopes as they were confronted by reality. And the loss of one childhood friend to cancer that has left me raw and incomplete.

Some dreams rise up and let us know what we want our lives to be about, though. As I find myself approaching 50, I begin to think about what's important in the time that I (presumably) have left, while there's time to reorganize my life around what's important.

And a brush with illness reminds me that my capacity is not endless. A chance encounter with a tick left me in the third worst illness of my life, and I'm thankful that my recovery is strong, but for a few weeks, I had to get present to what my life would be like if I were truly incapacitated. This, too, helped me to focus on what's important to me, what actually requires ME, and what could really be handed off to someone else.

For now, I'm focused on these things:

1. Supporting and enjoying my son. I know that he won't be Mom's best buddy and companion forever, though I hope that as he grows up the closeness we have won't fade. But I do want to enjoy his companionship and help him grow, and keep our relationship strong.
2. Sharing what I've learned professionally. In the last 10 years, I've developed a strange and marvelous set of combined knowledge that I want to put into a form that can be shared, in part because it fascinates me, and in part because I want to be able to step away and do something else when it no longer fascinates me. I don't want to be tied to it, or required to stay put in this phase of my life. I want to encapsulate it somehow, make it available to others WITHOUT ME, and be able to move along.
3. Making my home workable. Not just clean or tidy, but organized, well functional, automated, appropriately using outside sources, and supporting the lives we want to have in it, instead of being a source of demands on us.
4. Learning more about what makes us tick. In the last two years, I've discovered that if I knew then what I know now, I'd have focused on brain science. Now, I'm looking for interesting ways to connect what we're learning about how our brains function, how people interact, what motivates us, and how groups operate to see how we can create better, more effective businesses and organization. My new passion.
5. Creating beauty. Of all things, I've come to deeply enjoy taking photographs of bugs. My son's interest in photography and his budding talent are drawing me back into photography as an artistic outlet, and I'm delighted.
6. Making music. There's nothing like the enthusiasm of an elementary school student to make you want to try EVERYTHING. African drums? Sure! Guitar? Ukelele? Sure! How about fiddle? Recorder? And then ... my husband took up the bagpipe. Is there no instrument we won't abuse? Apparently not.

I think so often that I want to write about these things, and the day to day realizations and challenges and glories and excitements.... Let's see if I can get something started again here.