Oh for heaven's sake....

I just made the mistake of reading an article about the "War on Christmas" shortly after being part of a discussion about how some members of my company are not attending the holiday party because it wasn't called a "Christmas party." I should know better.

I'm not a Christian. I have family members who are, and others who are culturally affiliated with Christmas, though they don't buy the religious significance. In my home, we celebrate Hanukkah, which is one of the least interesting holidays of the Jewish year, IMO. Love the menorah, am amused by the dreidels, love the latkes, and otherwise, meh, it feels like a stale attempt to have something to compete for the hears of Jewish children who are watching their Christmas-observing friends go through their winter wonderland. I wait until January 1st, and then I deck the house in snowmen. Winter, at least, we can all share.

Here are things that I ponder this time of year:

Do you greet another person with the holiday you celebrate, or with the one that you believe they celebrate?

If a person celebrates Christmas, and they encounter another person who they know does not, should they wish them a Merry Christmas? How would that be interpreted by the person being greeted? I might think to myself "oh, how nice that they're so enthusiastic about their holiday." I might also think "oh, how self-absorbed, that they're pushing their holiday on me." I might also think "they must not realize that I don't celebrate Christmas." I'm fair skinned, something on the Clairol blonde scale, and light eyed. You might expect me to be generically Christmas-observing....

Do you greet another person with the holiday you celebrate, or with the one that you KNOW they celebrate?

I'm pretty open about observing Jewish holidays. Heck, I'm pretty open about my whole conversion process, decision to become Jewish, and the importance of raising my son as a Jew. I wear a piece of jewelry nearly every day that could identify me as Jewish. NOW what do I think? A complete stranger -- see item 1 above. But if you know me, and you wish me a Merry Christmas, I go either of two ways: You're enthusiastic and not thinking, or you're a little too hung up on wanting everyone to be just like you.

What would you do, if I did the same in return?

I mean honestly, if I went up to people whose religions I don't know and said "Happy Hanukkah," what kind of response would I expect?

How would you expect me to feel, if you began belaboring the attack on Christmas in front of me?

Nearly all of my decisions in December have to do with maintaining the integrity of my religious views without being seen as a curmudgeon who wants to kill Christmas. I put my son in a private school that doesn't have overt religious celebration of any kind, to avoid the trauma of dealing with schools that have Santa visit to acknowledge Christmas (well Santa's not in the BIBLE, right?) or do easter eggs (they aren't either) as an art project, but would never accidentally have the kids make a dreidel or a matzah kugel. I avoid all malls with my child, who currently has much longer hair than usual because I've got two weeks to go before we can safely go to his regular hairstylist. The stress of reducing the stress on my 5-y-o son by avoiding the expectation that Santa is going to come to town for him is overwhelming. You can't MOVE this time of year without being confronted with it unless you turn off the television and radio and don't ever leave your home. And someone's going to stand there in front of me and say that they feel oppressed because spoilsports are at war with Christmas because OCCASIONALLY, JUST OCCASIONALLY, a store decides that not 100% of their clientele is celebrating Christmas, and they put up a sign that reads "Happy Holidays"? Or, as I experienced last week, someone decides to BOYCOT a corporate event because it's inclusive of more than people just like him? Like, it includes ME?

THIS is a war on HIM?

A colleague once explained to me the concept that insurance companies use when reviewing coverage of reading for inclusion or reading for exclusion. I've concluded that this concept is relevant everywhere. Particularly now. Particularly when people get so worked up about how you greet them during the month of December.

When I'm not so pissed off about it, I generally think that this time of year is lovely, with people all going around being enthusiastic about what they're enthusiastic about -- Christmas, Hanukkah, winter, having a break from school, snow, fuzzy boots -- whatever it is that makes this time of year magical. Cards, and cookies, and parties. How lovely. And I rejoice in everyone's rejoicing. I love that my Christian friends are decorating their homes with lights and trees and presents. I love that my Jewish friends are lighting menorahs and singing prayers and gambling with their kids over foil-covered chocolate. I love that we're waiting for a huge snowfall, and have the sleds out and ready to go. I love the joy in each person's eyes, and I love that we're all so much more willing to reach out and greet one another and wish one another well, even if sometimes we get the wrong holiday.

And I think that's indicative of reading for inclusion here. We're all celebrating, and each of our individual celebrations makes our community more lovely, more warm, more loving. If we can all remember that we're all a part of it, and there's enough December Joy to go around for everyone, we're all a little better off for it.

But if you want to read for exclusion this time of year, you certainly can. You could write a book about the stores that put up "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas," and how that takes a little bit away from the memories of how joyful it was when EVERYONE celebrated Christmas when we were little, and our fears that in the future, Christmas will be smaller than its glorious bigness in our childhood memories. You could write a book about the scrimpy little endcap of picked over Judaica this time of year, too, though, where everything not overtly blazoned with a Christmas image that is blue and silver goes to act like it's got something to do with Hanukkah. It's a blue and white dishcloth -- really? REALLY?

Does acknowledging that there are people who are not exactly like us really diminish Christmas? Does being considerate of that fact this time of year really minimize your ability to feel joy in your holiday? Does a little token gesture, like putting "Happy Holidays" on your corporate holiday card because you don't know the religions of the people you're going to send them too and you're considerate enough to realize that Christmas is one of those holidays BUT ONLY ONE, really spoil it for you? If it does, I think that's representative of reading for exclusion at this time of year. If any indication that someone out there is not celebrating exactly the same thing that you are celebrating disrupts your celebration, then you are not only celebrating, but you are trying to force everyone else to comply with your celebration.

Wouldn't the world be a better place if we could all rejoice in one another's marvelousness, and not be threatened by it?