Good Lord, what HAVE I done?

So this morning, I was brushing my teeth, and as I was leaning over the sink to spit, I felt the unusual sensation of being goosed by something rubbery and flexible and small. I look back behind me and there is my little boy, very intently attempting to stick his pacifier, let's be candid, into my butt. I believe my exact words were "precisely WHAT makes you think THAT'S a good idea, child?" and he scurried out of the room with the same focused intent with which he entered it. It's clear that he planned this -- it was a premeditated goosing gone wrong, and he needed to leave the scene and regroup.

Some days, I worry about what I've done, bringing this sweet little boy into this world. Maybe it's because I read the news today, and maybe it's because colleagues of mine and I got into a debate about the fate of the "free world" after lunch, and maybe it's because I read the summary of that book about the last election... Our President is "the devil." Bits are falling off the Space Shuttle and getting in the way of reentry. It didn't help that I saw news just a few minutes ago gleefully announcing that the new partical smasher they're building isn't going to create a black hole so big it'll destroy the earth... they don't think... You know, if you have to TELL me that? I'm nervous about it, even if you're trying to be reassuring.

There was just so much negative to see in the world today that it makes me wonder if having a baby wasn't the most selfish thing I could ever have done. It makes me think in some kind of stark way that someday I'm going to be forced to leave him alone here on this planet with mutant attack e.coli in the spinach and with most of the rest of the world thinking his nation is the collective set of the biggest assholes on the planet. "Hey, kid, I've got a great planet for you here -- good luck." Some days, life just feels that fast, too. I'm springing this on him; he didn't even get a vote in the thing.

And then I watch his little mind operate and all I can do is pray that he'll do just fine and keep his spirit intact. Because you'd hate to lose the kind of spirit that could put together a plan like the one he launched on me this morning. Frankly, the world needs a little more of that, and a lot less of what it's got.