If it were frictionless, everyone would do it.

I find myself more and more thinking that "if it were easy, everyone would be doing this." I note with some dismay that it's been 3 years since my last post, and I'm a little alarmed by what that means about my free time....

Since I posted last, my child has gone from kindergarten to being a rising 3rd grader. My stepson has gone from being a chaotic high school junior to a fairly mature rising college freshman. My husband and I have spent a fair amount of effort in self-development efforts that have made our lives more workable and our support of one another stronger, and in many ways, our lives are less stressful and far more joyful than they were when last I posted.

We've also had some crises and losses. I can't bring myself to begin to try to list them, but they include loss of close friendships (at least, loss of proximity) as dearly loved friends move to the next phase of their lives or careers, the withering of some friendships that couldn't sustain over time, and the loss of some dreams and hopes as they were confronted by reality. And the loss of one childhood friend to cancer that has left me raw and incomplete.

Some dreams rise up and let us know what we want our lives to be about, though. As I find myself approaching 50, I begin to think about what's important in the time that I (presumably) have left, while there's time to reorganize my life around what's important.

And a brush with illness reminds me that my capacity is not endless. A chance encounter with a tick left me in the third worst illness of my life, and I'm thankful that my recovery is strong, but for a few weeks, I had to get present to what my life would be like if I were truly incapacitated. This, too, helped me to focus on what's important to me, what actually requires ME, and what could really be handed off to someone else.

For now, I'm focused on these things:

1. Supporting and enjoying my son. I know that he won't be Mom's best buddy and companion forever, though I hope that as he grows up the closeness we have won't fade. But I do want to enjoy his companionship and help him grow, and keep our relationship strong.
2. Sharing what I've learned professionally. In the last 10 years, I've developed a strange and marvelous set of combined knowledge that I want to put into a form that can be shared, in part because it fascinates me, and in part because I want to be able to step away and do something else when it no longer fascinates me. I don't want to be tied to it, or required to stay put in this phase of my life. I want to encapsulate it somehow, make it available to others WITHOUT ME, and be able to move along.
3. Making my home workable. Not just clean or tidy, but organized, well functional, automated, appropriately using outside sources, and supporting the lives we want to have in it, instead of being a source of demands on us.
4. Learning more about what makes us tick. In the last two years, I've discovered that if I knew then what I know now, I'd have focused on brain science. Now, I'm looking for interesting ways to connect what we're learning about how our brains function, how people interact, what motivates us, and how groups operate to see how we can create better, more effective businesses and organization. My new passion.
5. Creating beauty. Of all things, I've come to deeply enjoy taking photographs of bugs. My son's interest in photography and his budding talent are drawing me back into photography as an artistic outlet, and I'm delighted.
6. Making music. There's nothing like the enthusiasm of an elementary school student to make you want to try EVERYTHING. African drums? Sure! Guitar? Ukelele? Sure! How about fiddle? Recorder? And then ... my husband took up the bagpipe. Is there no instrument we won't abuse? Apparently not.

I think so often that I want to write about these things, and the day to day realizations and challenges and glories and excitements.... Let's see if I can get something started again here.